How To Remove DAD GUILT Forever!

Explore the transformative potential of fatherhood as we discuss how deeply impactful a father's involvement can be on a child's resilience. Discover the secret to nurturing strong bonds with your children through simple, heartfelt affirmations like "I love you" and "I'm proud of you." We offer practical strategies for fathers and soon-to-be dads to engage genuinely with their child's unique interests—whether in sports, music, or academics—and highlight the power of showing unwavering support as they navigate the complexities of modern life.

We also tackle the critical significance of having those early, often challenging conversations with your children about life's pivotal topics—be it sexuality, career aspirations, or building healthy relationships. By stepping into the role of a primary guide, parents can ensure their children look to them for advice and support, rather than external influences. Listen in to learn how establishing open communication early on can build a foundation of trust and respect that lasts a lifetime, and remember, it's never too late to become the guiding force your children need.

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Mentoring - Management - Consulting

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Transcript

Speaker 0: 0:00

I want to talk to the dads today. I also want to talk to those who will be dads, maybe even those who are past their first attempt at being dads and soon to be granddads. I want to talk to the dads. It's so important that, as fathers, we intentionally put energy into raising resilient children. People ask me all the time if it's possible to raise resilient children. In the world we're living in today, where kids have got more pressure than ever before through social media and peer pressure, online struggles, all the stuff that's going on about their identity and insecurities. We have to play a part so much more than before in helping them to be strong, helping them to be resilient, and I've got a few simple keys that help us to do exactly that. I've been able to prove it in my own family and in my own life. I've been fortunate enough to raise resilient kids, and the tips that I'm about to share with you right now will work for you if you commit to the consistent, long-term approach of doing these things. And, as I said, maybe you're a soon-to-be dad or a one-day-to-be dad. If that's you, make sure you lock these thoughts in, because they will serve you well, the first thing we've got to be doing. If we want our children to be stable, secure and resilient, we must commit to the language of love, and two phrases in particular. To the language of love and two phrases in particular. We've got to say to our children I love you and I'm proud of you. Right now, this is the language that's going to settle them, make them feel secure, help them to realise that their place and their belonging in the world is going to be okay.

Speaker 0: 1:40

A lot of us, sadly, have grown up in our own childhood not hearing those words, and you know what that feels like to long for that affirmation from your father, from your parents, from those around about you. If you know what it's like to have that lack, that becomes your incentive to cross the line. Use some courage and say well, it stops with me. There's no way my children are going to miss out on hearing those words that I missed out on. And we make sure that we shift the way things are in our own family tree and we find a thousand ways at a thousand different moments to say to our sons and our daughters I love you so much, I'm so proud of you. You don't have to do anything for me to be proud of you. Here's the thing Our children need to realise that our love for them is connected to the fact that they are our children.

Speaker 0: 2:35

We've got to be careful of not saying I love you and not saying I'm proud of you, except and unless they perform well at school or at sport. If they only ever hear I love you, I'm proud of you, or similar language when they do well at school, get a good exam result, have a good day at this sport on a Saturday or a Sunday, if they only hear that language, then at a deep level they will make the conclusion that when they perform well, that's what makes them worthy of receiving love. We've got to break that and help them understand. Even when you have your worst game on the weekend, even if you fail your exam, that doesn't change whether I love you and whether I'm proud of you. If we can connect I love you, I'm proud of you, and then we can add a third phrase on the end, and the third phrase is, by the way, I'm pleased with your effort today at sport, at school, in that performance, whatever it is, dads, if you can get that trinity, as it were, that holy trinity of I love you. I'm proud of you, I'm pleased with your effort. You will put a message into the hearts of your children that settles them so much and will help them to build on a foundation of resilience as they go into a crazy, crazy world.

Speaker 0: 3:58

The second tip that I can give you for raising resilient children kids who make it is to be interested in their interests. I say this to dads all the time when I'm teaching and speaking and training and coaching, I say to the dads if your child loves sport, guess what. So do you. If your child loves music, guess what. So do you. If your child is artistic and loves to perform and sing and act, guess what. You're interested in that as well. Why does this matter? It matters because our job as dads is not to try and create mini-me's of ourself. Just because you grew up wanting to be a professional sportsman doesn't mean that your kids are going to want that or that they should have to want that. Why? Because they've been uniquely created as who they are.

Speaker 0: 4:52

Our job as parents and if we want to be great dads, our job is to observe and watch and get to know them and figure out what is their unique wiring, because that unique wiring is going to find expression in unique activities. It might not be sport, it might be music, as I said, they might be academic, they might be problem solvers, they might be great with their hands. Whatever it is, our privilege and our honour is to understand that, get behind it and then realise we are interested in what they are interested in, because that's the role of a father. A father is not to squash and make somebody fit a mould that they can't be fitted into. The role of a father is to realise what is there in raw form, cultivate it, train it, strengthen it, empower it and release it. That's our privilege in life. So we must commit to being interested in what their interests are and again, this builds another layer of making them become resilient people in a crazy world.

Speaker 0: 5:59

Let me give you a third tip in this video today to help you become the great dad that I know you want to be Now. Maybe your kids are already teenagers. It's not too late to start. Maybe your kids are grown adults. You can still make a start and especially if your kids are young toddlers, babies, or maybe you haven't even had your first yet you can internalise and digest this proven wisdom that will get you results, and you and your children will be so glad that you did.

Speaker 0: 6:28

The third and final tip for today's episode is you've got to be early on the important conversations. When your kids need to talk about things like sexuality, when they need to talk about temptation and dangers in the world, when they want to talk about purpose and finding the right career path to go into, when they need to talk about struggles in friendships and relationship building, you need to be early in the conversation. Why? Well, two reasons. Number one it's your duty as a parent to be the dominant, shaping, empowering factor in your children's life. It is not the responsibility or the jurisdiction of the government or the education system to raise your children. For you. That is your God-given blessing to be the dominant voice and influence in their early life that sets them on their way and helps to set them up for success. And so to do that, you have to be in those conversations.

Speaker 0: 7:27

The second reason why we need to be early in conversations is because, if we don't, our children in their young minds, subconsciously they will conclude mum and dad didn't talk to me about that subject because they don't know about that subject. This is dangerous for two reasons. Number one it means your kids won't come to you on that vital subject that needs discussion. Number two it will create a benchmark and a pattern in their thinking. Maybe mum and dad don't know a lot at all about the important subjects in life. If we are early, we don't have to be first, but we do need to be early to the significant subjects and conversations in their development and in their journey and if we do, they will respect us for it, they will appreciate it and they will conclude in their little hearts. Dad and mum have got something to say about the important matters of my life and it's such a powerful tool to help kids become resilient, help them to make it in a crazy world, and all of us can get on board this strategy to help build resilient children.