Andrew Gray Podcast
Dedicated to empowering men (especially middle-aged men) to become everything they were destined for!
Totally focused on strengthening the Inner-Life Health & Sustainability of all men, regardless of age, education, background or status.
For far too long Masculinity has been vilified as some kind of societal scourge, when in fact the complete opposite is the truth. Masculinity was created to protect, provide, strengthen and empower every person, and every aspect of our communities.
This channel exists to play a part in the renaissance of healthy masculinity.
My mission is to reach the men who feel like 'dead men walking' and help to restore their hope, so they are re-calibrated to their purpose and calling in life!
Andrew Gray Podcast
MASCULINITY & WOMEN: A Match Made In Heaven!
Can redefining masculinity lead to healthier relationships? We unpack this complex topic with personal stories and practical insights. Explore how traditional roles of men as protectors and providers can coexist with emotional vulnerability and mutual respect. Mick shares his experiences teaching his son about being a caretaker while celebrating his wife's strength and independence. We also address the often misunderstood concept of "toxic masculinity," challenging the notion that all expressions of masculinity are inherently damaging.
Our conversation extends to the heart of family dynamics, emphasizing humility, open communication, and mutual empowerment. Learn how effective partnership and recognizing each other’s strengths can foster a balanced and respectful family environment. We delve into real-life examples of setting positive examples for children and correcting mistakes to maintain a harmonious household. Don’t miss our call to action, inviting you to share your own stories and engage with our community, ensuring that support and understanding are always within reach. Tune in for an enriching discussion that aims to transform the way we perceive and practice masculinity in our daily lives.
Mentoring - Management - Consulting
Disclaimer: This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase, I may receive a commission at no extra cost to you.
📝 Subscribe to my Newsletter “EVERYDAY MENTOR”
https://andrew-gray.ck.page/profile
▶️ Subscribe to my YouTube Channel
https://www.youtube.com/@andrewgraypodcast
📈 Connect with my Mentoring & Consulting business APG Elite
Let's pair a couple of concepts and questions together Masculinity and women, not masculine women.
Speaker 2:That's a whole other subject that we're not dealing with tonight.
Speaker 1:Now we might make a few comments here that not everyone will be thrilled with listening to, but you know we're not trying to upset people or offend them. I'm just wanting to create a space where we share our view and our opinion. I'll go first. I feel like there's not many women in our world who are actually that offended by a man, who is the original definition of masculinity. So let me define original definition. I give it three phrases protection, provision, empowerment, which is to me as a man, I feel like they're my three roles in life I've got to be a protector, I've got to be a provider and I've got to be an empowerer. It's my job to help those in my world to become what they're meant to be. I haven't yet met many women hardly any, actually that have a problem with that definition of masculinity.
Speaker 1:Now one of the popular phrases that's been bandied around in recent times is toxic masculinity. I don't like the phrase because I think what it's trying to do is to throw all expressions of masculine into one basket and then chuck it out. But I think we need better definition around it. Give me your thoughts, pick a starting point anywhere around how we relate to women, the push and pull nature of what's going on around, what narratives are appropriate to talk to our sons about, what kind of masculinity we're supposed to be demonstrating and not supposed to be demonstrating, and it's a really pressured conceptual space right now. You guys give me your thoughts around. What is masculinity? Is it good, is it bad? Where have we gone wrong? How does that relate to wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, et cetera? Mick, do you want to go first? Thanks for that.
Speaker 3:How do I put it? I think I agree with you too. I haven't met many women that have a problem with it, but that's because of the world that I'm in, sure, my surroundings and all of that. I think the world itself has a little bit of a, a little bit delusion, in a way, because they're confusing their version of what masculinity is or toxic masculinity, if you want to put it that way is different to a respectful man. Yes, now, I teach my son this is my own personal opinion and the way I live my life is if your dad's not here and he's only young, so take that into account too but when you get older, I need to know that you're here to take care of your mum and your sisters. So that's something that comes from my generation.
Speaker 3:We go back to the generational thing of being strong. Now, if anything, my wife is a stronger person than me, so it's not to say that she's not weak at all. In our household, she's the rock. Now, does that mean she's the protector of the house In a way? She is. She'll do anything for her kids and her husband, but my job as her husband and the father is I'll protect my house with my life, my family with my life Now. Is that wrong? I don't think so. As a father, I want to be strong and caring and loving. Now, does that mean that my wife doesn't have a say? Not at all. Right, she has more say than anything.
Speaker 3:I'll go back to my other statement earlier about being humble. I find more strength in being humble than anything, because in our relationship and in our marriage, people might look at us and go oh, you're just a chauvinist and the masculinity of this house is so toxic because Mick just does whatever he wants and Lydia doesn't say anything. It's actually the complete opposite, in a way her allowing me to do the things I feel called to do and be the person I am. It's actually, you know, maybe it comes from being a Christian too, I'm not sure, but it gives me the space to be, space to allow God to speak to me and become the person he wants me to be. Does that make sense? Yes, and so when she?
Speaker 3:Earlier on in our relationship we would have fights about nothing, fights that were so arguments that are so non-existent. We're arguing about something that doesn't matter and it was about me trying to be the boss, right, okay, now we'll butt heads on it. She's almost said no, he's the man and I allow him to go away. Go away, go and pray about it, go and do what you feel you need to do, because she has the trust in me that God's going to speak to me in a way that is, I'm going to make the right decision. Or even if I don't make the right decision, I'm going to end up figuring that out for myself, and if I do make the mistake, I'm also humble enough to say I stuffed up here Now.
Speaker 3:I want my daughters to be strong protectors as well, in a way like a lion and a cub, yep, but also teach them that when you find your husband, you know he's your protector. There's nothing wrong with that. I want my daughters to be protected by their husbands. So this whole notion out there of men shouldn't be protectors you know I have me personally struggle with it. Yes, and again I'll say my wife is a stronger person than I am Right, she is a rock. Yeah, but I like to consider myself as also the person that they go. When Dad's around, we're safe, yes. So I know it's a bit of a long answer, but maybe it makes sense, maybe. Yeah, absolutely Doug. What do you think? Have I offended anyone?
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 4:I'm with you on that. I think we're the whole male female masculinity thing, is it's?
Speaker 4:rolled over into a predatory thing in society. Right, you know where men are strong. You know preying on women, yeah, and I, you know. The essence of being a man is that. You know and I think it touches on what we hope for is actually hope for liberty or freedom that I am a man. You know I work. You know I run a business. I love the challenge, I love the risk. That's the way I'm wired. You know I provide for my family. It's not a power over thing over my wife.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 4:It's just how I show up and I think you were touching on that yes. In the same sense, when I look at my wife, there is equal value in our relationship. She brings you know all the aspects of who she is into our relationship and it actually fulfils me and it actually fulfils the lack that I have as a man. So it dispels the whole power over thing and you know the whole term equality Equality is such a misused word at the moment. Equal value, different you know.
Speaker 4:Different genders, different contributions, different you know strengths and weaknesses, making the whole that to me is a joyous thing. Yes, you know so. And when that gets out of whack, you know when it becomes you know, becomes self-fulfilling or self-focused, then it starts to break down. Yes, you get the imbalance of power. Yes, and it flows back and forth. You know it's. You know men exert power over women in, you know, physical ways.
Speaker 4:Women exert power over men in different ways you know the control and whatever it has different nuances, it's the inherent thing of are we actually contributing to each other? Or are we adversarial? Yeah, absolutely, even in marriages and relationships.
Speaker 1:Totally. I think you are very close, if not right on the mark of hitting the nail on the head that I think what we're seeing is when people, when people in relationships, when men and women in relationship, make the pivot to self-fulfilling behaviour, that's where it goes wrong. And then what happens, it seems to me, is that people use their strengths against the other. And then when that goes pear-shaped, of course, then you do see some toxic behaviour in men, but you also see toxic behaviour in women. And that's why I like to say I don't think you see toxic masculinity, you see toxic humanity, because it becomes self-focused, self-fulfilling, as opposed to serving each other with our strengths. You know, mick, I don't find anything you said offensive. I find it empowering actually to highlight the reality that you know, two people in a marriage, in a partnership, a man and a woman, in that context, they are different, they are unique, they have different generic strengths, they have different specific strengths and the goal should be how do I use what I have to benefit and complete the other?
Speaker 3:And.
Speaker 1:I think maybe that's where, as a society, we are seeing it break down and go pear-shaped and become adversarial and it's become like this tribalistic war the men versus the women and the women versus the men and it nearly always ends up in a conversation around what the other won't do and what they won't give and what they aren't and what they should be.
Speaker 1:And to me it seems like it's oriented around that thing of people have become selfish in what they want from the other person first, as opposed to what they are bringing to offer the other person first. You guys, what's your take on all of this?
Speaker 5:Yeah, look, I think you're right. I think if you approach relationship with women in general as I'm here to serve more than I am here to take what I want, yes, I think when you love and serve a woman properly and appropriately, then they freely give the things you, I guess you want from them, or whatever it may be. I've always tried to live in that partnership style approach with my wife. Don't always get it right, sure, sometimes I'm a spoilt little brat, but she lets me know when I am too. But you know, listening to her too, giving her, empowering her to have a voice. If I do overstep a line, she's got all permission in the world to pull me up on that. And humility becomes a big part of the whole deal, doesn't it? Because you've got to eat humble pie and go yeah, actually.
Speaker 3:I was wrong More often than not.
Speaker 5:More often than not. Yeah, I've eaten a lot of humble pie yeah. But then I try to teach my boys and my daughter that as well. Yeah, right. If I hear one of my boys say something to their mother and it's not right, I'll instantly interject.
Speaker 5:I won't leave it up to her to sort it out. Hey, what are you talking to your mother like that for? But ultimately, if one of my boys was to talk to my daughter that way, but then also vice versa, if my daughter was to be disrespectful to them, like guys, this is not how we interact. There's respect here that needs to be played Totally. I think calling it out is a big deal, don't ignore it.
Speaker 1:That's right, I think that's. I heard you say a couple of things. I heard you say the word partnership, which is huge, and this idea of households setting themselves the vision or the goal, if you like, to stay together as best they can to teach the next generation. This is how you behave, this is how you interact and, of course, in everything we're saying, I think it's valid to acknowledge that there are moments and times and sometimes way too many where men have erred on the wrong side and there are indiscretions. And, of course, none of what we're saying here would ever be remotely close to a condoning of men who are violent with women, or that's not at all what we're talking about here and it's important to point that out.
Speaker 1:But I think all of you have touched on this idea that when there is partnership, when there is empowerment, when there is respect, when there is empowerment, when there is respect, when there is looking to serve one another with strengths, it can be healthy. It's never perfect, right, but it can be healthy, and I think in the household it's our only hope to see those indiscretions and poor examples and poor role modelling turned around. Last comment, on that one comes to you, anakin yeah, wise old man down the end, anakin. Yeah, so I think Wise old man down the end here, yeah right, just so new to the game.
Speaker 2:So I think the whole concept, I think it's just a massive misconception of what masculinity actually is. I think the fact that we now have a term called mansplaining just shines light on the whole topic.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:You know, you can't say one thing without you know mansplaining something and just you know, and be degrading or anything of that nature. So I think there needs to be a communication, a clear communication, of exactly what's going on, right, Right, and there's extremes on both ends of the spectrum, right on all concepts and all that kind of thing. So I think masculinity is one of them. I think, if you hone it in correctly and have that communication with your partner and your wife, it is very powerful to do, and I think women feel protected in that sense and they want to be with someone that will look after them, right, and whether that comes from their father looking after them, and it's then, you know, the reins pass over to us to look after them, and it's then, you know, the reins pass over to us to look after them. Moving forward, um, it's something we want to show our children.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, I think for me, one thing I'll touch upon is, um, as we grow older, you know, we it's important to identify each other's strengths and even shifts of responsibility. So, me being, like, um, a high income earner, higher salary, I used to manage finances, but over the years I've found myself like I forgot about this or anything like that, whereas my wife she's like she's on point more often and then it was a massive struggle giving that over, you know. But I think it's more humbling and I think it's actually masculine to say my wife's got this and that's okay, and like that's going to be up to her. Now I'm going to go and do what I know I'm good at and what my strengths are Right and, yeah, I think it's important to do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, that example is it's everything we just said, isn't it? It's the partnership, it's the empowering the strengths, it's the valuing each other. Yeah, um, we've covered a lot of subjects tonight. We've covered mental health, suicide. You know how to relate to women, loneliness, hope. It's a lot of stuff. You guys have been awesome.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you taking the time to join in the conversation.
Speaker 1:I guess our hope is that, you know, maybe guys watching and listening will be, you know, provoked in a good way to try to arrange this same sort of thing for themselves and to access it wherever they can.
Speaker 1:I think there's a lot that can be achieved in this kind of conversation and even, as we saw tonight, you know, you guys talking to each other, hearing each other's stories, helps you to put colour on your own journey, which is really powerful.
Speaker 1:So I appreciate you taking the time. Guys, if you're watching along on this episode and on this channel, I'd love you to first of all subscribe and leave a like, but I definitely would love it if you could leave a comment, maybe drop a question down below, ask what it is that you need help with, maybe make a suggestion of other topics and conversations you'd love to hear talked about in this kind of context and that will help me to shape and frame what you need to hear so that you can get the help that you need. If you are struggling in a really negative and dark place, please make sure you speak to someone. Speak to anyone and get the process moving so that you can get the help and the support that you need. Appreciate you taking the time to watch and listen, and there's going to be more coming up on the channel on these subjects and others. We'll see you in the next episode.
